JenOni

#unconditionallove

How You Parent is a Sacrifice and Unconditional Love

parentTHE REALITY OF  BEING A PARENT, MOTHERHOOD

What defines being a parent? The reality of being a mom hit me the day after I gave birth.  While I understand this may differ from person to person.   I chose to have natural childbirths with no drugs and left in awe of my  physical strength.   The pain endured is difficult to put into words because I literally forgot moments later.   I remembered arriving home with a newborn and feeling overwhelmed with finding time to do the basics while trying to care for my newborn.   After a few days of motherhood,  I learned how to feed my newborn even when my body was beyond exhausted. Also,  I  learned how to schedule a quick shower and find a way to sneak in enough food to give me a snippet of energy.   As a new mother,  I mastered how to get myself dressed, a newborn fed, diaper changed and clothed to leave the house.   This sounds simple but it is a major achievement.

 PARENT

The lessons I learned:

  1. It is not a part-time job
  2. Parenting is 365 days a year, 7 days, 24 hours
  3. Sleepless nights are REAL
  4. I  wear many hats
  5. There is no such word or place as privacy or private
  6. Spending quality time is a must
  7. Being a disciplinarian is not an easy job
  8. Advocating is a worthwhile effort
  9. It is not always easy
  10.  Spending time by myself is a MUST

 

BEING A PARENT IS NOT A PART-TIME JOB

What irritates me most is the idea PARENTING is scheduled and a part-time job.  It  is not a job with the same benefits provided from your livelihood.  PARENTING has no sick time, vacation time or days off.   I see no time in which you get to schedule hours sitting in an ER, consoling my children at the pediatrician’s office during immunizations, waking up in the middle of the night when my child cannot sleep, cleaning up unsightly fluids when sick, being there for activities and the list goes on and on.

PARENTING involves sacrificing myself beyond any realm of understanding.  It is not for the faint of heart, selfish, manipulative or narcissistic.    I know it means consistently giving unconditional love  and not choosing to participate when convenient.   PARENTING is not scheduling when convenient.

The Loss of My Dad – Unconditional Love

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My dad’s love.   This post is filed under “my inspiration” however not sure how to be INSPIRED on this topic.My dad passed away 28 years ago and his birthday is  January 1st.   Every new year is a great beginning and a reminder of his birthday with the void it has left. My dad passed away as I was starting my second year of college and he was over the moon proud. I was the first of his six children to go to college. For him, education was a big deal. Although he was not a college graduate, he believed in the benefits of education or pursuing a trade. He worked hard and was highly skilled in a lot of areas. I give him credit for my interest in science.

While I was de-cluttering a room at my mom’s house I found my high school graduation cards. I will always treasure this card from my dad, wow to seen his signature after 28 years. I remember sitting on the stage at my high school graduation and looking over at my family and winking at my dad. It feels like it was yesterday. The best part of the day is having a limo transport us to and from the graduation ceremony. My dad tried to provide anything for his “SMOOCH”. I remembered he drove miles to get my Barbie RV so I would have in time for Christmas.

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He always wanted me to go to college as I was thinking “come on dad what else would I do” Unfortunately my dad passed away during the 1st semester of my sophomore year. I can remember the pride on my dad’s face when I made the dean’s list. It was tough returning to school but I pride my dad felt made it worth the effort.

When I look back over my life I often wonder if he is my guardian angel. Hopefully, he is and smiling down on his busy grandchildren who constantly throw his “smooch” for a loop. Just the other day my baby bro and I were talking about how each of us stands just like our dad. It was funny that we both noticed.

In 2016, I am now 46 years old and high school was almost 29 years ago. I hear people say losing someone gets better over time and I will be the first one to say this is untrue. When I think of the missed conversations, graduating from college, buying my first car, my first job, becoming a mother, etc there is no way to replace a dad’s perspective. A dad is the first man in your life who loves, protects and provides a genuine perspective to make critical decisions. I envy women who have their dads during their adult years. There is no price you can put on reaching out to your dad for advice or having him make you laugh. I know having his advice would have prevented me from making some reckless decisions.

Shortly after New Years Day stores are adorned with Valentines Day cards, gifts, and decorations. If you’re single it may be a bittersweet day. What should you do? Do you spend it alone? or with single friends? Honestly, I like the idea of having a special day to acknowledgement those you love. I do not believe this is the only day to show love or give love. Unconditional love is a given on every day of the calendar. While I enjoy dinner out the only date I could wish for on Valentine’s Day is with my dad.

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My Valentine’s Wish    

Dreams: A Letter to My Younger Self

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DREAMS

Dear Younger Self,

What were my dreams?   Wow, where should I start? Plan wisely! The dreams of becoming a pediatrician can be fulfilled with the right plan and mentors. When you look in the mirror smile and know that your intelligence and beauty exist both inside and outside.  As I was told the only person who can stop YOU from fulfilling your dreams is the person looking back in the mirror. You will learn that confidence is built over time and experience.

As you matriculate through grade school, high school, and college you will see how the dynamics of family and friendship change tremendously.  I would call these the years of maturation, responsibility and ultimately adulthood.  There is so much to weather through on the road to adulthood joy, pain, love, dislike (hate is a strong word) births and death.  Although a loss is hard to deal with as you are becoming an adulthood, remember some experiences help to make you stronger.  The friends you meet and have along the way may not last a lifetime however real friendships last an eternity.  Growth has so much value to build who you are becoming as an adult. Educate yourself to ensure a brighter future and opportunities.  Set goals no matter how big or small, have a vision that becomes reality.

In order to realize your dreams, always surround yourself with people who are supportive and moving in the same direction of success. Eliminate negative people, places and things as this will only halt your growth.

Always have the ability to challenge what you believe.  The phrase “I can’t” is unacceptable if it closes doors to your dreams. Each year try something new, never have regrets.  The words” I can’t” should never be a part of your vocabulary. Fear has no place in a fulfilled life, travel and see the world to gain perspective on other people, places, and cultures.  When it is time to choose a mate look for the values and abilities you have achieved for yourself.  I know the old adage is opposites attract but commonality makes a huge difference in a loving long term relationship.  The way to your heart should be someone who offers you unconditional love, support, respect, appreciates every facet of who you are even with your imperfections, compliments your growth, and uplifts your spirit. You, in turn, should reciprocate the same qualities you hope to receive from another.

Life is filled with so many experiences so make the most of every hour, second, day, month and year you are blessed to receive.  First and foremost, continue to love who you see in the mirror!

Single Mom Chronicles: What Does Love Mean to You?

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As a mom it goes without saying that I have unconditional love for my kids.   However in terms of the love described on this card, I feel a void!  I think my 45th birthday made me question if I have ever or will ever experience this type of love.    When I purchased my Alex and Ani bracelets, this card was in the box.   Wow, it made me think long and hard on the words.   Did I agree?  Is love a virtue?  According to Webster’s dictionary, a virtue is the following  1. morally good behavior or character 2. a good and moral quality 3.the good result that comes from something.     I do agree it is a good quality however I do not agree it is related to morality.    I say this only because MORALS AND VALUES are the core of CHARACTER.   For someone who lacks character I find they are emotionally detached which makes it difficult to express this powerful emotion.     I have learned LOVE should not be taken lightly and the words are no measure unless the actions are present.    The second line on the card said it is a force that ignites passion, generosity and affection.   I have to disagree because some RELATIONSHIPS can have these elements and there is the LOVE is not mutual.    Another lesson learned is if another individual has no capacity for understanding what another person needs  there is no level of generosity.   Affection comes in many forms not just in the physical sense.     For me LOVE is a physical, emotional and spiritual connection.     I do agree it illuminates the spirit and makes the days, nights, weeks and months easier to digest.   Life is short and yes we should not fight what our heart feels and share love openly with the right individuals.   I learned to my surprise that not all individuals are capable of giving or receiving love.   Yes, I learned the hearts of some are cold with no capacity for caring and respecting the emotions and/or feelings of another individual.   There is NO WELCOME MAT for this individual in my life.   Although there is disappointment and heartache associated with LOVE I am HOPEFUL!