JenOni

#singlemom

Financial Health : The How to Save in Every Decade Infographic

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Financial Health: How Much Should You Save?

Financial health is an important topic for women specifically single moms.   What happens when life throws you a curveball? Some major life changes can drastically impact your financial health such as illness, marriage, new baby, unemployment or divorce.   How do you prepare for the unexpected? As I have learned as a single mom with one income, the best way to prepare is to start early building your financial health.   The key is to save, invest, eliminate debt and set a budget so you are living within your means.

After separating and filing for divorce over 40,  I was forced to start rebuilding my finances.  Two years of unemployment with no additional streams of income made it an excruciating challenge.   In spite of these circumstances, my debt continued to accrue without a safety net.

Earnest, a lender that offers personal loan and student loan refinancing.   Below is a very informative infographic from Earnest on how to prepare financially for every decade.   It is never too late to get yourself on the right track.   The advantage is the earlier you start the better.    If you are interested in learning more on refinancing student loans, click refinance student loans.

 

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Parenting a Teen is a Daily Challenge and a Few Lessons Learned

 Teen

Parenting a Teen

This is the challenge of raising a teen son who has literally written the book on everything called life.   There are days when parenting is no bowl of cherries.   What happens between infancy and the age of thirteen?  I swear I am living with an unpleasant clone.  It is bad enough the communication skills go out the window with a teen.   Most of our conversations are filled with short one word answers, yes or no.   I really believe my parenting is based on the moon, because on certain days of any given month he will actually sit and have a real conversation.  I have look around like who is he talking to because there is no way this is happening.

Summer Jobs

In the past two years, I have drilled into him about getting a summer job.   I was trying to encourage him to get some experience under his belt to build a resume.  Mostly, it was a way for him to stop eating me out of a house and home.   Secondly, to get off the sofa and find something productive to do during the summer.   I was fed every excuse in the book, online applications are too much, I applied and never heard anything back, etc.  Then I had to ask well did you follow-up? The first interview did not go well.   Although, I was not present it was a hunch in light of the fact is was over in twelve minutes.   My follow-up was probably more in depth than his interview.  I asked him how it went and of course the invasive person he is just glazed over it.   My next questions were whether he did research, did you ask questions, etc, etc.   I guess I can say one down and more to come.

Money, Independence, and Experience

After more discussions on getting a job, he walks into a local business and gets a job on the spot.   I wish I could take credit but it a discussion with one of his friends who suggested he get a job.  Let me point out she’s been working since May.  No better way to get experience than to get hired on the spot and start working three days later.   His summary of working is his job is far more difficult than what I do every day.  I am loving every moment of his week as he sees how working with the public is not for the faint at heart.   The one silver lining is he is actually looking forward to going in each day.   We must hear about how messy customers are, how rude some can get if their orders are not right, all the cleaning he is expected to do.  I must preface all of this with the fact he is only working part-time 20-22 hours a  week.

Teen Lessons Learned

He is actually excited about earning his own money and is motivated to get to work.   A summer job has provided a sense of purpose and way for him to set goals for next year.    He is already planning where to apply for next summer.  I guess as much as my teen balks he does hear some things I preach.

The Reality of Finances when Raising Children with One Salary

finances

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Finances and the Reality of Raising Children with One Salary

Finances and raising children needs a serious reality check for some individuals.  In January 2017, a published reported stated a cost of raising a child as a married couple with two incomes is $233, 610 from birth to the age of 17. Although, I do not have a newborn being a divorced parent with two school-age children and one income is a major financial challenge.

For some reason,  it seems as if true expenses associated with raising children or trying to raise children effectively are overlooked.   The cost of living increases year over year and it entails more than housing, food, and clothing for children.    The additional expenses change each year as children get older.   For example, working full-time requires before and after care services.  There is no way around this expense if children are too young to come on their own.  Childcare is a yearly expense of $6,000 each year with an incremental increase each year.   It is a necessary expense and unavoidable.   During summer break, a camp is another expense which can range from $2,000 to $4,000 per child depending on the program.   Both of these expenses are critical for providing a safe and nurturing before and after school as well as during the summer months.

If children have an interest in playing sports there are expenses incurred.  Most townships offer sports programs for a fee each season.  In addition to the fee,  sports require some element of the uniform at my expense such as footwear, safety equipment, special clothing, etc.

Another expense is related to healthcare.   One of my children has a pre-existing condition which requires a monthly prescription with an out of pocket expense over $150.  This year my pediatrician changed the concentration of the medication and this increased the medication to over $200.  Yes, I do utilize my HSA to conver some of my healthcare expenses.   However, there the unfortunate times which require an emergency room visit.   In light of plans with deductibles,  there are costs for ER visits and overnight stays in a hospital.    There are hospitals that offer financial assistance to reduce medical bills.   I would suggest taking the effort to fill out the necessary paperwork.

Both children are in public schools.   September brings a new round of school supplies at my expense.  If after school clubs are offered, a fee is charged.   School trips have fees.   There are classroom events planned where parents are expected to contribute monetarily.   I am a firm believer of being a parent who is engaged on all levels of my children’s education.   This year my daughter wanted to play an instrument, there is a fee to rent the instrument for the school year.

Extracurricular activities such as vacations, day trips or cultural experience, sporting events are another expense.  Yes, some may these are not necessary.  My goal is to expose my children to as much as possible to nurture a well-rounded productive individual who can navigate in this world.

It is obvious some individuals are clueless when it comes to raising children beyond the necessities.   I think it is a waste of time to educate anyone on the how and why of parenting in the 21st century.    It is very despicable to me for individuals to provide the bare minimum and not be held accountable.   If it is a hard concept to grasp as far as what is required for financially supporting the well-being of children,  Google it!

 

 

Divorce: Why an Amicable Divorce is Necessary?

 

Tweet:

“When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade”

My divorce was finalized in January 2013.  As I reflect on the process it dawned on me how much valuable time and energy is wasted mainly due to STUPIDITY!  The bigger question is WHY? what do inidividuals hope to GAIN? why be DIFFICULT?  It is so much more advantageous to speed up the process and go off peacefully. Here are my clear cut reasons why an AMICABLE DIVORCE is a matter of COMMON SENSE,  I know I know this does not grow in everyone’s garden!!!!  Bare with me HERE!

Why an Amicable Divorce is Necessary?

  1. Both parties can start to rebuild their lives sooner than later.
  2. Reduce the  financial burden, lawyers are not inexpensive!!! Trust me  I still owe 3 years later!
  3. Reducing stress is beneficial to your MENTAL AND PHYSICAL WELL-BEING.
  4. Establish stability for child(ren) involved.   They have the right to live in  a STRESS-FREE ZONE as well!
  5. EXHALE!

Single Mom Chronicles: Review-Single Mother by Circumstance, Single Parent by Choice

 

Tiffany Mack’s ebook: Single Mother by Circumstance, Single Parent by Choice

I love connecting with single moms across social media. Who knew listening to a scope titled Black Girls Golf would lead me to Tiffany Mack’s ebook Single Mother by Circumstance, Single Parent by Choice.

It was such a great read I had to share with my single moms.   It is Tiffany’s viewpoint on the difference between a single mother and single parent.    She too is a divorced mom which she states being a single mom equates to your marital status, Single and a Mother.   While being a single parent is by choice.   Personally I find it difficult to ask for help if it is someone outside of family or close friends.      One important fact that Tiffany points out is to wisely select those in our community at large to assist with parenting our children.

Five Things I Learned:

  1. Commit to creating a village for my children.
  2. Set boundaries with my children and provide explanations.
  3. Be honest with my children, the discussions should be age appropriate.  They know and understand more than we think.
  4. Be honest with others in terms of my needs, allow others to pitch in.  This is only possible if others know what you need.
  5. Acknowledge I am not superwoman, take time to decompress!

To read some wonderful words of wisdom,  check out the ebook Single Mother by Circumstance, Single Parent by Choice :Strategies from a Single-Mom Who Never Became A Single-Parent at  TiffanyMack.

My Happy Means Taking Time for Me

Diary of A Divorced CocoaMommy

Last week I finally took the time to watch this video in its entirety.  It is a very poignant and candid conversation The most touching part of the video is her conversation with her mother. It is obvious her circumstances during her childhood made her a highly mature individual and she harbored no resentment toward her mother’s choices.
When her daughter asked her about being a wife and a mother. I swear a lightbulb went off in my head. It was like Jada was tapping me on the shoulder as she nailed the reality of being a wife and a mother. Although I am no longer a wife it made me reflect on my life as a wife. I never fully understood the importance of taking care of me first and foremost. It’s a new day and as a mom I have to take care of ME in order to be at my best.

5 Things I Learned

  1. Be transparent with myself, being a mom is challenging
  2. Take ME time with no guilt
  3. Take care of yourself to renew myself mentally and physically
  4. Seek help from who are willing and able to assist
  5. Never feel guilty for doing you

If I’m HAPPY my kids are HAPPY

 

 

Planning – What I Accomplished?

PlanningWhatILearned3months

Planning for the unexpected.    Losing a job is never welcome news however I feel all experiences are a valuable lesson of some kind.   My last day at my previous job was May 30th.  I stayed in my last position for a year but feel I learned more in a one year than the last twenty years of working.

I used the time to focus on all the things I had put off in the last year to get my HOUSE in order.  In addition to my goal setting and planning I continued to look for a new position.   As I prepare to start a new job on Tuesday,  I thought about some of the things I have accomplished in 3 months.

Planning -Things I Accomplished in 3 months

  1. Updated resume with wonderful assistance
  2. Had real conversations with my kids
  3. Created an office space/organization station in apartment
  4. Secured medical and dental benefits for the me and the kids
  5. Took an online programming course via Khan Academy, I still have to finish but it was fun to learn something completely new.   We are never too old to learn.
  6. Consulted with a financial expert on debt elimination and credit restoration
  7. Educated myself on my rights as a consumer with debt
  8. Reviewed my credit report from all three credit bureaus, updated credit report with consumer statement and corrections.  Yes you can do this on your own without hiring anyone.
  9. Sent cease and desist letters to creditors to stop communication via phone and mail
  10. I found a monthly budget template to control and monitor my spending
  11. Finished lining kitchen shelves, sewing project,  and reupholstering chairs
  12. Worked with Danyelle Little at The Cubicle Chick to give my blog some SIZZLE as she says
  13. Attended my first blogging conference in NYC
  14. Finished some odd jobs in the apartment without hiring someone
  15. Completed kids’ back to school shopping
  16. Planned a momcation for my birthday, TBD
  17. Unpacked some boxes from our move in last year
  18. Learned FEDEX store will shred documents for $.99/lb, saved on buying a shredder
  19. Watched some great movies on Amazon Prime and HBO Go
  20. Had fun working on social media platforms and connecting with people
  21. Trying my hand at designing for my blog  as well as vlogging
  22. Planning and organizing for back to school and meal planning
  23. Getting all appointments scheduled for kids
  24. Visiting the city with kids for some fun activities
  25. NEW JOB!!!!!!!

 

Lesson Learned, use all of your time wisely for the purpose of a BETTER YOU!  Work to Live and Live to Work! Where do you stand? My favorite video with the best PERSPECTIVE!

 

Tanai Benard: My Inspiring Interview

Have you read a story on the internet that totally moves you?  Well, that was my reaction when I read about Tanai Benard who was featured in a post by Tenille Livingston on the Huffington Post.  Please check out her story here. Tanai Benard is an African-American mom of three children (2 sons and 1 daughter), ages 8, 9, and 10 living in Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates.

After I started doing my blog series, Diary of a Divorced CocoaMommy I thought to do a Q&A with Tanai Benard.   My search began on Twitter, I first searched her name with no luck for a Twitter account.   From my search, I noticed Tanai’s name was tagged with another Twitter account, Veronique Links.   I reached out to Veronique on Twitter to see she held a Twitter chat on single moms and Tanai was a part of this discussion.   From that point, I explained to Veronique I was trying to reach Tanai to do a guest blog post.     Veronique tagged me on her tweet with Tanai and the rest, as they say, is history.   Tanai tweeted me back with her website and email address.   Well, of course, I emailed her immediately to see if we could schedule a time to Skype for a Q&A.  I was floored when she responded to set up a time. Thanks, Veronique for making this possible!

TanaiBernard4DeepAroundtheWorld

photo credit: by permission from TanaiBenard

Tanai Benard,Single Mom Living in Abu Dhabi

I LOVE the power of SOCIAL MEDIA and TECHNOLOGY, here’s our Q&A.     It took me less than a few hours to come up with relevant questions from one single mom to another.   I hope you enjoy!!!

Q: Why Dubai?  (She’s actually living in Abu Dhabi)
A: After a visitor from Abu Dhabi visited Tanai’s school she learned about the opportunities available and it peaked her interest in starting a new life in a foreign country.  This was an opportunity for her and her then husband to have a fresh start and provide financial gain.

Q:What was the true defining moment that pushed you to take a leap of faith to move to a foreign country?
A:  My back was against a wall. The divorce was filed, I was homeless and jobless (I had resigned from my job in preparation for moving).  When I saw it was starting to affect my children, my son was having difficulty in school.  I already knew what was here in the US and the struggle is real.  As the product of a single parent home, I didn’t want to live with the what if.

Q:How do you find balance in terms of a support network and finding ME time living in a foreign country?
A: I am really blessed to have kids who are self-sufficient.   Our week to week schedule is pretty hectic my boys are in football 4 hours of football.  My daughter is in gymnastics 4 hours a week.  I have joined an adult sports league for kickball and volleyball for my me time.   My support network is aunts and uncles for the kids.  They have a bigger family here than in the US.   My sons have male role models who will pick them up to take them to a football game to give me a break.   Another friend will pick-up my daughter to take her for to get her nails done.  My daughter had a gymnastics meet and friends showed up with signs to support my daughter.  Some of these friends do not have children of their own and they do it because I am a single mom.   For my birthday friends gave me free mommy time tickets so I can have time for myself.    Now I’m in a financial place to afford a nanny so I no longer have to worry about the cooking and cleaning.   This allows me to focus on the day-to-day with the kids and time for myself.

Q:How do you handle the challenges of instilling values and expectation as a single mom? What are some things you do with your kids?
A: My kids were born in the projects so they have seen gold teeth and the images.  They are not going to walk outside here and see pants sagging.  If they can’t find it on YouTube but it is something they have to search for it if it’s not right there.  I have really good role models here for my sons.  Most of the men are college educated, educators or ex-military,  upstanding men.   1)We do daily morning prayer because the kids need it, 2)family talks that are open and honest so I can gauge where they are as far as this journey is concerned, at the end of each school year we vote to see if we stay or move back majority vote rules.  It can’t just come down to I want to move back without a valid reason why.  3)I ask them what can I do to make the experience better, the kids wanted a better school and bigger home so I made that happen 4)travel is a must do, since we’re in a situation that affords us the opportunity to see the world.  We visit temples, neighborhoods and talk to the locals.  It’s about exposing them to things.  I always said I wanted to give my kids the world, not the next Jordans or Polo.

Q:It is phenomenal you have a mission of exposing your children to culture around the globe, How has this helped to shape who you are and the children?
A: We tell our children you can do anything you put your mind to.  In the back of our minds, we  kind of know we’re limited as we don’t have all access to everything but mommy is still going to tell you, you can do anything.   By us traveling they get to see I can come from the projects.  My kids were born into the welfare system and are well aware we were on food stamps and we lived in the projects.  They know the lifestyle we started from.   It shows them anything is possible no matter what downfalls you may have you can still come out of it.  At the end of the day I need my daughter to see as a woman you’re not limited and if things don’t pan out the way you expect them to pan out,  you don’t stop and let life overtake you.  I’m hoping they are learning not only about the world but about life and trying to overcome difficulties at the same time.
Q: How do you think this has shaped your perspective on having the ability to be exposed to all of these different cultures and experiences.
A:   I use to be so limited,  in terms of my  thought process.  I was an in-the-box thinker.   I feel like I can do anything any door can open and I can just take it.  Traveling has opened my eyes expounded my vision of what is possible for me, what is possible for my children.   I have become a global thinker versus a domestic thinker.

Q: As an African-American Ex-Pat living in Abu Dhabi, what has been the best part of your experience?  What would you say is the biggest myth you read or heard about living in the Middle East?
A:  The best experience is knowing my children are safe knowing my black sons are safe.  I can allow them to play outside and not worry about any violence.  Safety is the biggest thing.   A lot of people think when you live in the Middle East you lose your rights as a woman.   People told me that I would be able to drive or whatever I wanted to wear.  A big misconception based on what the media allows us to see.  When you say Middle East Americans think of war-ridden, terrorists it’s the total opposite of that.   I feel very safe living here.

Q:Your story is so inspiring to other women. What advice would you give to other single moms who are contemplating taking a leap of faith to live a more fulfilled life and they need a nudge?
A: I would say do not allow the fear of failure to consume you, a lot of the time it’s the reason we don’t do something.  We’re scared to fail, to fall but if you hit rock bottom there is nowhere to fall,  there’s nowhere to go but up.  We allow fear to consume us sometimes we’re missing our escape to our breakthrough.  Our breakthrough is on the other side but we’re too scared to find out.  We’re missing out, asking why can’t I make, why can’t I survive, why am I living paycheck to paycheck.  Well, your answer may be on the other side of what you’re scared to do.  When you’re scared to step out on faith you may be missing out.  We tell our children you can do anything you want to do and we tell our children as mothers you can be what you want to be and you can do what you want to do.   We don’t take our own advice.    We try to build our children up to not have fear to do something but what about ourselves.   Do we build ourselves up?   To say I’m going to be whatever I want to be and I’m going to do whatever I want to do.   We ask the questions What if I fail? What if I don’t make it?  -What if you do? actually, make it, what if this does work out to be what you needed.   I say just jump and take that leap of faith. What can go wrong? If you’re already in a bad situation it can’t get any worse.    If you were to look at my life I was thirty years old, a mother of three a former welfare recipient, a hurricane evacuee.   I had everything against me.  If you look at all the statistics, all the surveys and all the research basically I should be failing right now.  You can’t listen to the world!   You can’t allow the world to tell you what you shouldn’t be able to do or what you can’t do. Anything is possible for anybody. Now I went  from the projects, welfare, government assisted programs to have birthday parties on yachts and traveling to Paris.  All because I decided to take a LEAP OF FAITH!!!

In my blogging experience, this Q&A was a PHENOMENAL opportunity.  I always say there are lessons to be learned in every experience.   What I learned from Tanai is despite your circumstances anything is possible as long as you are willing to take LEAP OF FAITH.    In terms of parenting I have learned having a spiritual foundation is important as well as allowing our children to be an integral part of all decisions as it relates to their well-being.   Our conversation has enlightened my desire to seek to provide a more enriched cultural experience for my children.  Also, what resonates is the importance of having a support network and not being too PROUD!

Thanks so much Tanai for sharing your journey with me!  I wish you and your children the absolute BEST!  You can follow Tanai and her children on their journey through her website, TanaiBenard.  Also Tanai is on Instagram @4DeepAroundtheWorld , Twitter: @whoamitosay2011, and Facebook: 4DeepAroundtheWorld .

 

Divorce- Raising Kids After Divorce

 “When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade”

Tweet: When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Lemonade

Divorce-What am I Learning About Raising Kids After Divorce?

After divorce, I learned what is means to parent as a single parent.

  1. I realized there are times when the conversations with my children are not pleasant.  The circumstances of divorce may warrant explanations that are tough however I believe in transparency.   This is also dictated by the age of the child(ren) in terms of the nature of the discussion.  It should definitely be tailored around the maturity of the child(ren).
  2. Never underestimate the need for utilizing outside resources to help with PARENTING.   Seeking a mental health professional for children is a great way for children to express their feelings and emotions in a different space.
  3. There are times when I have to say NO! This is tough because as the parent you want to provide as much as you possibly can without restrictions.  However, there are circumstances beyond my control that warrant this response.   I try to provide my kids with an explanation if feasible.  Again I think they need to understand the reality of balancing what we need and what we want.
  4. I cannot harbor guilt for making real life decisions.
  5. Be PROACTIVE despite the challenges of having to make vital decisions.
  6. You have to set GROUND RULES!
  7. Parenting is not PERFECT!
  8. Every day presents a new opportunity to REFRESH and RENEW!
  9. Ask for help when needed!
  10. It never hurts to have a support network of like-minded parents.

Learned: What Being Mary Jane Taught Me?

 

DivorceDiaryofaDivorcedCocoaMommy

 

 

What I Learned From This Episode:

  • It is FINE  to not be SUPERWOMAN!
  • We will be LATE!
  • Juggling work and home are not a CAKE WALK!
  • It is CHALLENGING to have it all without sacrifices
  • Sometimes a MELTDOWN is needed, even if it’s about baking brownies!
  • Never let anyone else make you feel guilty for being a working mom
  • Don’t second guess who you are as a mother
  • Find an OUTLET(find time to decompress) that works for your schedule
  • Don’t COMPROMISE your happiness to please everyone else
  • Don’t LOSE YOURSELF!
  • Oh and last but not least I would never move in with my ex!