JenOni

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Inconsistency is Annoying and An Unwelcome Guest for My Adulting

Single Life

Post-divorce taught me inconsistency is very annoying. Why is being a mature adult so hard for some individuals? If you are incapable of being consistent with another human being just own it and move on. After an hour conversation with a friend, her words to me were run girl, run. I am sure my intuition has been working overtime trying to figure it all out. This is such a waste of valuable time. Is anyone losing sleep over my well-being? One thing I know for sure is trying to figure out anyone other than myself is a huge waste of time.

Inconsistency

Inconsistency is unproductive especially if it detracts me from real life goals. When I hear people say someone “completes me”, I cringe because this sounds like a person is not whole without someone else. A person’s actions speak volumes. I am no longer interested in words because as the saying goes talk is cheap. There was a discussion on FB tonight about dating and I can agree with people’s aversion to dating.

Who shows up? Does it feel like a room full of imposters? Are there really genuine people? and if so where are they?

Single on Valentine’s Day is a Good Reason to Celebrate Love for Self

Happy Valentine'sDay

Single on Valentine’s Day

I think I missed the memo that being single on Valentine’s Day is a curse.  During this time each year, I see articles coaching people on how to cope with being single on Valentine’s Day.   Don’t get me wrong I like the idea of celebrating with the one you love.  However, being single on Valentine’s Day is no reason to be sad.  I feel like it gives a reason to celebrate doing something special for yourself.

If You’re an Ex

A few weeks ago I saw on the news how to celebrate Valentine’s Day if you have an ex.  Now there are activities if you have an ex,  a zoo in El Paso Texas allows people to use ex’s name for a cockroach which is then fed to a meerkat.  Hooters offers a  coupon for ten free boneless wings by completing an online quiz and shredding an ex’s picture.   All of this negative energy is no for me.  Just move on and channel this energy to celebrate YOU!

My thoughts as a single woman and the idea of stressing over Valentine’s Day brings a few questions to mind.  What happened to the idea of celebrating love every day? Why is being happy and loved dependent on being in a relationship?  Is it possible to love yourself and love your time alone?  Do we spend enough time loving ourselves?  Are we emotionally and spiritually ready to share with another person?   Why have standards and expectations become irrelevant?

Love Jones

One of my favorite movies is Love Jones.   After watching the movie multiple times, I realized how much I missed in my 20s and 30s.   I know now experiences should have no regrets or settle for less.   My takeaway from the movie is the fact a loving relationship requires time, mutual respect, unconditional love, patience, and work.   It was also eye-opening to see how much time is wasted when we are not clear with expectations.

2014-12-12-lovejones

My mantra is to CELEBRATE ME every day of the year.

Ways to Treat Yourself for the Month and Beyond

  1. Book a relaxing massage at a local spa
  2. Schedule an appointment for a facial
  3. Plan a treat to a special pedicure and manicure
  4. Order a dozen of roses for the month and for a real splurge order LeFleur roses (on my 50 wishlist)
  5. Buy a box of favorite chocolates(Turtles are my favorite)
  6. Make dinner reservations at a favorite restaurant

Divorcing, Married but Living Single?

 

Divorcing?

Divorcing is a major undertaking and can be an extreme emotional roller coaster.   However, if a person is a married person but living as a single person I see no options.

Social Media Story

After reading a story on Facebook, I am baffled on how there is some twisted competition between a wife and the other woman(“girlfriend”).   A local newspaper published two different obituaries,  one from the wife and the other from the “girlfriend”.     For the life of me,  I can’t comprehend how a husband is another woman’s boyfriend.  This supports the new term “married and single”.   It seems the entire institution has become an absolute JOKE.   The story unfolds with the man living with his “girlfriend” and no divorce.   Aside from the disgust of the story,  the comments associated with the story were shocking, to say the least.

My Perspective

As I unravel this debacle based on  my own perspective and experience, there are a few things that come to my mind:

  1.  I see no glory in holding on to someone who has obviously moved on with someone else.
  2.  Why stay connected to a person who has no respect, standards or decency for you as a person?
  3.  If you are married and living single, divorce is available if you want it.  There are options!  I took a day off to spend it in a  law library to file some remaining documents to move my divorce further along.   I clearly wanted out of what was a mockery of the institution.   My family law attorney was more than capable, however, legal fees are extremely costly.   Also when good lawyers file they try to gain as much for you as possible.   In my situation, it was not worth the stress and headache to try to negotiate with ignorance.
  4. A cheating spouse is not a consolation prize in anyone’s “Craker Jack” box.
  5. I will never understand why some relish in making this entire process utterly miserable when you have chosen to move on with another person.
  6. The wife has all rights in terms of legality which clearly means SAID GIRLFRIEND gets nothing!

I see no competition living a life of dysfunction.   Personally, I find more peace living a life that is void of toxic people and situations.

 

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Single Mom Chronicles: Single During Holidays

sad (1)

 

PHOTO CREDIT: bing.com/images

 

On Christmas I noticed at least 2 articles on being single during the holidays and never did I feel that being single was a “condition”.   I am divorced which wholeheartedly makes me single.   Wow, how this transforms you into a new lifestyle for yourself as well as your kids.    The only true difference is the friendship circle because our source of support and networking is different.    For those who are single it is a bit difficult to relate on some levels as they are definitely not experts on your experience and I cannot begin to understand what single and never married is like.   For the married, it is difficult to relate because everything is an “us” or “we” which I no longer have to consider to make plans or decisions. My “us” and “we” includes considering minors and not an adult.    I  welcome the advice, support and strength from my friends who totally understand the emotional rollercoaster of being separated, divorced and figuring out the dating maze.

Should I feel that “being single” is a condition?  Is it necessary for me to consume my Christmas morning with articles dishing about the pros and cons of “being single” during the holidays?  What makes the people writing the articles experts?  Shortly after the beginning of 2014 I woke like this and never once did I feel it was a condition.  What I did feel is wow that chapter is closed!!!!!! After almost 3 years of unnecessary anguish, mindless waste of time and energy the ink hit the paper and it was DONE!    My first thought- I get to start new chapters.   I had no clue what this looked like or felt like but definitely welcomed the challenge.    The craziest as I reflect is after being married for amount 11 years, I actually felt alone.  There is nothing worse than being in a relationship and feeling alone.  My one advantage as a now single female is on holidays I am not obligated to go or be anywhere other than where I want to go for the day or weeks.      Just being with someone is not the answer for everyone, being happy in my own skin before concentrating on another person is most important to me.

I’m taking this time to find makes me HAPPY  in my SPACE!!!!!

 

 

 

Sade New CD Soldier of Love available February 8, 2010


This is unrelated to the Christmas theme but I had to blog about one of my all time favorite artists. Sade’s music truly stands the test of time. You can go years without any Sade music and then a familiar song comes on the radio. The wait is over she is back, February 8, 2010 (just in time for Valentine’s Day). When I heard the single, Soldier of Love on the radio this morning, it was like she was never gone for a moment. If I ever get to meet Sade(wishful thinking), I would sure like to ask how she remains ageless? Whatever she is drinking or eating, I would like to have a case of it!
If you are a fan and even if you are not, click below to hear the new single Soldier of Love
Enjoy!