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JenOni

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Divorcing, Married but Living Single?

 

Divorcing?

Divorcing is a major undertaking and can be an extreme emotional roller coaster.   However, if a person is a married person but living as a single person I see no options.

Social Media Story

After reading a story on Facebook, I am baffled on how there is some twisted competition between a wife and the other woman(“girlfriend”).   A local newspaper published two different obituaries,  one from the wife and the other from the “girlfriend”.     For the life of me,  I can’t comprehend how a husband is another woman’s boyfriend.  This supports the new term “married and single”.   It seems the entire institution has become an absolute JOKE.   The story unfolds with the man living with his “girlfriend” and no divorce.   Aside from the disgust of the story,  the comments associated with the story were shocking, to say the least.

My Perspective

As I unravel this debacle based on  my own perspective and experience, there are a few things that come to my mind:

  1.  I see no glory in holding on to someone who has obviously moved on with someone else.
  2.  Why stay connected to a person who has no respect, standards or decency for you as a person?
  3.  If you are married and living single, divorce is available if you want it.  There are options!  I took a day off to spend it in a  law library to file some remaining documents to move my divorce further along.   I clearly wanted out of what was a mockery of the institution.   My family law attorney was more than capable, however, legal fees are extremely costly.   Also when good lawyers file they try to gain as much for you as possible.   In my situation, it was not worth the stress and headache to try to negotiate with ignorance.
  4. A cheating spouse is not a consolation prize in anyone’s “Craker Jack” box.
  5. I will never understand why some relish in making this entire process utterly miserable when you have chosen to move on with another person.
  6. The wife has all rights in terms of legality which clearly means SAID GIRLFRIEND gets nothing!

I see no competition living a life of dysfunction.   Personally, I find more peace living a life that is void of toxic people and situations.

 

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Single Mom Chronicles: Is Being Single a Curse on Valentine’s Day?

Happy Valentine'sDay

 

 

I think I missed the memo that being single on Valentine’s Day is an ordeal or a curse of some kind.    During this time each year, I see countless articles coaching people on how to cope with being single on Valentine’s Day.   Don’t get me wrong I like the idea of romantically celebrating with the one you love.   As a mom, I love buying small gifts for my kids as well.

I find it disheartening to see how sad some people become during this time of year.   I

Don’t get me wrong I like the idea of celebrating with the one you love.   The commercialization of the day is what bothers me most of all.    I have learned so many lessons in the past 6 years on what I require for my own happiness.

My thoughts as a single woman and the idea of  stressing over Valentine’s Day:

What happened to let’s  celebrate love on a daily basis? Why is being happy and loved dependent on being in a relationship? Is it possible to love yourself and love your time alone?  Do we spend enough time being 100% into ourselves?  Are we emotionally and spiritually ready to share our lives with another person?   Are we ready to invest  in another person to build a loving and sustainable relationship?  Why have standards and expectations become irrelevant?

My all time favorite movie is Love Jones.   After watching this movie multiple times, I realized how much I had missed.   The worse experience for me is having regrets and settling for less than what I deserved.   My key takeaway from this movie is a loving relationship requires time, mutual respect, unconditional love, patience and work to sustain the daily challenges of challenges.   It was also eye-opening to see how much time is wasted when we are not clear with our expecations and requirements.

 

2014-12-12-lovejones

As a single woman,  I am stunned that it takes one day  to realize you should always make yourself a priority.

I am unapologetic when it comes to making myself a PRIORITY!  I refuse to SETTLE for LESS than I DESERVE.    A HARD lesson learned that I refuse to repeat again.

My mantra is CELEBRATE YOU every day of the year in preparation for what is meant to BE!

 

Single Mom Chronicles: Single During Holidays

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PHOTO CREDIT: bing.com/images

 

On Christmas I noticed at least 2 articles on being single during the holidays and never did I feel that being single was a “condition”.   I am divorced which wholeheartedly makes me single.   Wow, how this transforms you into a new lifestyle for yourself as well as your kids.    The only true difference is the friendship circle because our source of support and networking is different.    For those who are single it is a bit difficult to relate on some levels as they are definitely not experts on your experience and I cannot begin to understand what single and never married is like.   For the married, it is difficult to relate because everything is an “us” or “we” which I no longer have to consider to make plans or decisions. My “us” and “we” includes considering minors and not an adult.    I  welcome the advice, support and strength from my friends who totally understand the emotional rollercoaster of being separated, divorced and figuring out the dating maze.

Should I feel that “being single” is a condition?  Is it necessary for me to consume my Christmas morning with articles dishing about the pros and cons of “being single” during the holidays?  What makes the people writing the articles experts?  Shortly after the beginning of 2014 I woke like this and never once did I feel it was a condition.  What I did feel is wow that chapter is closed!!!!!! After almost 3 years of unnecessary anguish, mindless waste of time and energy the ink hit the paper and it was DONE!    My first thought- I get to start new chapters.   I had no clue what this looked like or felt like but definitely welcomed the challenge.    The craziest as I reflect is after being married for amount 11 years, I actually felt alone.  There is nothing worse than being in a relationship and feeling alone.  My one advantage as a now single female is on holidays I am not obligated to go or be anywhere other than where I want to go for the day or weeks.      Just being with someone is not the answer for everyone, being happy in my own skin before concentrating on another person is most important to me.

I’m taking this time to find makes me HAPPY  in my SPACE!!!!!

 

 

 

Sade New CD Soldier of Love available February 8, 2010


This is unrelated to the Christmas theme but I had to blog about one of my all time favorite artists. Sade’s music truly stands the test of time. You can go years without any Sade music and then a familiar song comes on the radio. The wait is over she is back, February 8, 2010 (just in time for Valentine’s Day). When I heard the single, Soldier of Love on the radio this morning, it was like she was never gone for a moment. If I ever get to meet Sade(wishful thinking), I would sure like to ask how she remains ageless? Whatever she is drinking or eating, I would like to have a case of it!
If you are a fan and even if you are not, click below to hear the new single Soldier of Love
Enjoy!