JenOni

Relationships

This Is Us Season 3 Episode 17 “Randall & Beth” Relationship Dynamics

Episode 16

After I watched Episode 16, I was on pins and needles about the future for Beth and Randall. The episode ended with a heated conversation between Beth and Randall. I know Randall will think twice about leaving another insensitive voicemail.

Episode 17

This week’s episode started with Beth telling Randall how she felt over the course of their relationship from the beginning. I had no idea they attended the same college and started dating in college. Their first date ended abruptly because Randall overdid it with his planning. I felt he never stopped to figure out what Beth liked or what was a perfect date for her. When Beth ended the date she clearly told Randall to never call her again because he was too much. Obviously, he did call again. His relationship with his mother really bothered Beth to some extent, especially how much he shared with her. I thought this was a bit over the top for him to share so much detail with his mother and want to include his mother on his dates with Beth.

Randall’s passion and love spread to everyone in his life. She obviously learned to love that part of him. The promise Beth asked of Randall is that they not get lost in the midst of married life. A few things were apparent early on before the accepted proposal, Beth was fine being in their seven-year relationship and in no hurry to be married. I feel she was still trying to find herself. Beth also had an issue with Randall’s mother being a third wheel. Randall invited her along like it was normal.
After countless proposals, Beth finally accepted.

Compromise or No?

After, twenty years of marriage, Beth finally realized her dream of teaching dance. There is a scene in which Beth and Randall are sitting at the kitchen table munching on nachos while Tess slept. Beth talks about looking forward to returning to work and Randall reassures her they will work it out. This is when Beth proceeds to compare both of them to chips. She eventually makes it clear only the crumbs are left. Randall was a bit annoyed as he thought Beth was saying she is only left with crumbs. Beth quickly redirected the conversation for them to get a full night’s sleep. I think the reality of being a wife and mother with a career was starting to sink in for Beth.

Marriage


This episode highlighted relevant topics for marriage. Can compromise exist in marriage? Are dreams deferred while married? How often should you check in with your spouse on goals? This episode was a realistic depiction of marriage and its challenges. Marriage is difficult when two people come together with different life goals. Before Beth and Randall were married, Beth was assertive in what she needed. After getting married, she put herself on hold to support Randall’s next brainstorm. Randall brought a lot of extra and while Beth appeared fine supporting him I think she became resentful. The end of this episode has me thinking they may take some time apart.

This episode is a clear indicator of the communication that is lacking before saying I do. Vows are words but the actions that follow set the tone for the institution.

Single on Valentine’s Day is a Good Reason to Celebrate Love for Self

Happy Valentine'sDay

Single on Valentine’s Day

I think I missed the memo that being single on Valentine’s Day is a curse.  During this time each year, I see articles coaching people on how to cope with being single on Valentine’s Day.   Don’t get me wrong I like the idea of celebrating with the one you love.  However, being single on Valentine’s Day is no reason to be sad.  I feel like it gives a reason to celebrate doing something special for yourself.

If You’re an Ex

A few weeks ago I saw on the news how to celebrate Valentine’s Day if you have an ex.  Now there are activities if you have an ex,  a zoo in El Paso Texas allows people to use ex’s name for a cockroach which is then fed to a meerkat.  Hooters offers a  coupon for ten free boneless wings by completing an online quiz and shredding an ex’s picture.   All of this negative energy is no for me.  Just move on and channel this energy to celebrate YOU!

My thoughts as a single woman and the idea of stressing over Valentine’s Day brings a few questions to mind.  What happened to the idea of celebrating love every day? Why is being happy and loved dependent on being in a relationship?  Is it possible to love yourself and love your time alone?  Do we spend enough time loving ourselves?  Are we emotionally and spiritually ready to share with another person?   Why have standards and expectations become irrelevant?

Love Jones

One of my favorite movies is Love Jones.   After watching the movie multiple times, I realized how much I missed in my 20s and 30s.   I know now experiences should have no regrets or settle for less.   My takeaway from the movie is the fact a loving relationship requires time, mutual respect, unconditional love, patience, and work.   It was also eye-opening to see how much time is wasted when we are not clear with expectations.

2014-12-12-lovejones

My mantra is to CELEBRATE ME every day of the year.

Ways to Treat Yourself for the Month and Beyond

  1. Book a relaxing massage at a local spa
  2. Schedule an appointment for a facial
  3. Plan a treat to a special pedicure and manicure
  4. Order a dozen of roses for the month and for a real splurge order LeFleur roses (on my 50 wishlist)
  5. Buy a box of favorite chocolates(Turtles are my favorite)
  6. Make dinner reservations at a favorite restaurant

A New Relationship after Divorce is not a Competition or a Race Down the Aisle Again

 

relationshipsNew relationships after divorce are not a competition.    It should be a thought provoking decision based on reality, not fiction.   After divorcing I feel like the amount of advice was overwhelming and on occasion, filled with utter stupidity.   I had an unnamed person tell me I should get married(remarried)!  My first thought was for what reason? Is this a competition of some sort?   The statement was so irrelevant to the conversation.   I also must point out the statement was filled with contempt.    It made me realize being happy and content after divorce is obviously an issue for some people.    One thing I do know is that any decisions I make that impact my happiness will never be made in haste or to compete with another person.

One of the best lessons after divorce is to be very strategic in all decisions that impact my well being.   A relationship sounds like a good idea, however, finding a suitable partner who shares the same values, goals, and lifestyle is challenging.    While the choice to settle for less is very easy this brings so much unnecessary stress.   One of the best advantages to being single is the ability to enjoy life independently and to be in charge of my well being.   Personally, I know the worst mistake I made was thinking a relationship(s) was a replacement for a failed marriage.  A failed marriage has you questioning a lot of things.    I needed to take the time to evaluate what is needed in my life before including another person to share my time and space.  This was eye opening because what I thought was necessary was more work than I need right now.

I believe it is important to stop trying to make up for the time spent in a failed marriage.   The best thing I can do is focus on making better choices and living my best life.   I am enjoying my time alone and being in charge of my decisions.   One of the best parts is taking my time to make the right choices when it comes to the right person and a  relationship.  The art of weeding out the wrong one to find the right one becomes easier and easier.  I am not phased with attention especially if it is not the right attention.    After many lessons, the best advice I can offer is to discover you again, use the time to make yourself better,  learn to enjoy you, love your self every day no matter how small or large,  do not look for someone else to save you,  make a conscious effort to try something new, take care of your temple, travel, start a things I want to do list (not a fan of bucket list).

I hope to continue to live the best life possible on my terms and if it is meant to share with someone else it will happen.   It feels damn good to look forward to planning things I put on the back burner for so many years.    As someone told me,  it will happen because I refuse to settle.     The words to live by are never settle and no regrets!

When The Divas Talk on Blog Talk Radio Sunday, March 28, 2010


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Join me as co-host for another Sunday of chatting with host, Shynea @pennypinchingdiva and co-host Jen @jaeldesignsinc of When The Divas Talk on Blog Talk Radio.

This Sunday we are welcoming International Talk Show and Author Maryanne Comaroto as our guest co-host. You can visit Maryanne at Maryanne Live . She is a relationship expert so this should make for an interesting show as we discuss the many facets of relationships and her new book, Hindsight:What You Need to Know Before you Drop your Drawers!

The title of the book alone is enough to encourage you to listen, right? Mark your calendars now so you will not forget to tune in to our show on relationships.

Submit all relationship questions for Sunday’s show on March 28 here, When The Divas Talk – Relationship Questions