It has been a while since I wrote about divorce. An unhappy marriage is not a pleasant topic but somehow the remnants are forever present. This week I found myself having an interesting conversation on choices. It made me think deeply about the choices and the consequences that follow with every choice we make. Unfortunately, life does not come with a crystal ball or a road map. I will say that trusting your intuition is the road to stay on. When those red flags are flying high pay attention and heed the warning. Someone told me that we can learn from every experience whether it is good or bad. There is truth here although some experiences are better left in the past never to be repeated again. An unhappy marriage is not the best lesson but it does provide the right amount of discernment.
Now here comes my awakening on being in a toxic marriage. The idea of marriage and being married is different for everyone. Some have real examples based on families or friends while others are absolutely clueless about what the institution means. Just having examples is not a formula for everyone’s household. Based on my experience, I know now that it is impossible to build a marriage without a solid foundation. It is not enough to be in love with the idea of marriage while the work involved lags.
I believe marriage is a two-way street. It does not exist to serve one person and the institution is not meant to cater to the needs of one person. This ideology is rooted in selfishness and immaturity. I believe a healthy relationship should provide a calming spirit that nurtures and uplifts both.
One thing I know for sure is if a person in the relationship is creating a toxic and dysfunctional environment -do everyone involved a favor and leave! Why make everyone involved unhappy? If you think the grass is greener on the other side by all means-just leave! It is amazing how narcissistic behavior creates an unpleasant home life. If it’s all about you -just leave! If you’re bringing so much to the table and your needs are not met – just leave! No one needs the weight of someone else’s baggage -just leave!
I owe it to myself to create my own happiness even if that means doing it solo. Hell, you can live under the same roof with someone and feel completely alone. When it is not working do us all a favor-just leave! From my own experience, this will save a lot of time, money, and unnecessary aggravation. Go live your new life!