Matrimony is an institution that seems insurmountable. The divorce rate is 50% and as a divorcee, I want no part of being remarried. It was one of the most difficult and draining elements of my life. Divorcing made me realize I was not living my best life. The lifestyle was emotionally and physically draining with juggling a job, home and going from one child to two. I no longer feel it is something I need to do with another person. It feels like the generations of marriages lasting over 20 years is gone. Five years is a feat it seems.
When I heard the song 4:4:4 I cringed because it sounds like an apology or a half-#$% way of saying #$%* happens. What was the real purpose and who is it supposed to serve? Who will listen to this song and think if a megastar can be forgiving you can too? Is the sanctity of marriage lost? Next, we see a celebrity embroiled in an extortion case and a tape. Why is it so difficult to be faithful? Why is a stable lifestyle taken for granted? Has a life full of lies and deception become the new normal for some individuals? As I watched episode 7 of Insecure, I remember the character Molly asking her mother why she stayed after finding out about her father’s infidelity. Her mother’s response was “he made me feel special more than hurt”. Is this enough for a lifetime together? I guess the alternative is living with infidelity and having someone making your life a living Hell is not an option. How to recover to feel special after infidelity? It is a crushing blow to the ego and self-esteem. I think it’s only human to question yourself. Does jewelry, a quick getaway, or an extravagant gift really erase the hurt and disappointment? It makes me question the validity of intentions.
What I fail to understand is if there is ever any regret for the consequences. Is there only remorse because you’re caught? Why is the “I’m not perfect” justification for unacceptable behavior? True, we’re not perfect, however, where is the line drawn for respecting the institution. Why is it so easy to risk destroying the trust and being disloyal? I think taking a person for granted is a double-edged sword. There is no guarantee a person is open to reconciliation. The disruption to a family is a long-term process of repair and I wonder are children ever fully over a home that is torn in two? As I live with my two kids, I see recurring remnants of issues each year. It is not a fun position to be in when you see the struggle but can offer no immediate resolution.
I no longer feel it is necessary to entrust someone to provide what we need. My faith in another person being in control for me and the kids has gone out the window. The investment in someone else who may unravel our stability as we know it is not worth the gamble. It can be exhausting trying to fit someone else’s profile on what they think is ideal. It feels like self-preservation prevails and people are out for their own needs and there is no capacity for anyone else. I have no issues with this mindset because we are all entitled to do what is best for ourselves. The world today has changed from preserving the family unit. I am convinced living my best life is as a single person. My focus on our wellness and what is necessary is my responsibility. I like being in charge of our life.