Divorce: It is not Contagious – How to Manage Advice ?

Divorce

Dear Diary,   When you divorce,  why is that you are no longer treated the same by others or extended invitations because you are now single?  It never dawned on me until I was in the midst of being separated and then divorced.   I witnessed how the dynamics of personal relationships change.   Personally, it feels like the word “divorce” is the proverbial elephant in the room or the bug no one wants to catch.   I have never received so much unwarranted advice from people who have absolutely no experience on the matter.

Single and Never Married: It is interesting for single people to attempt to give a once married person advice on marriage.    I crossed my eyes on a number of occasions.  One comment that still sticks to this day is one person telling me “that’s who you chose”.   You definitely learn to developed thick skin and count to 5 multiple times to avoid having an out of body experience.    If you need to vent or seek advice avoid sharing any of it with a single person, who was never married.   There is more judgment rendered than support offered.

Married Once, Absolute Expert: One conversation I vividly remember was from one of my brother’s female friends telling me I “was angry”.   This was mind boggling and definitely out of order!    I felt like who are you to assess what I’m feeling when you don’t know my story.    During one conversation I vividly remember one of my brother’s friends telling me I “was angry”.   This was mind boggling and definitely out of order!    I felt like who are you to assess what I’m feeling when you don’t know me or my story.  Yes,  I will admit in the initial phase of any experience your emotions are turned upside down and inside out.    I think some people assume the role of expert because they have a specific experience.   Let me tell you; never ASSUME anything about another person’s life.   Although our experiences are similar, our lives are not woven from the same cloth.   The last thing I needed was a psychological assessment from someone you have just met.    If you want an expert, consult the nearest mental health professional for an appointment.

Married and Understand Dynamics of Marriage:  It would only make sense that someone who is currently married with a clear understanding it is an absolute journey that requires work.   I think this is your reality check of advice.   They will offer a listening ear and provide a positive perspective on their lessons learned.

Separated/Divorce:  I have found the greatest support from those who are separated/divorcing or divorced.   They will understand how you are feeling and thinking as you navigate the same journey.  It is important to surround yourself with true champions who seek the positive out of unpleasant circumstances.    This is not the support circle to constantly focus on the negative but it is a tribe of encouragement, faith,  and motivation.   You may need to laugh, cry, vent and yell and still feel like you’re whole when the dust settles.   It is important to establish this tribe as you will rely on advice, constructive feedback, and direction from a place of genuine love and support.  My journey is a lot easier because I have this support network to

My JOURNEY is a lot easier because I have a support network to rely on when I need a POSITIVE perspective.

 

 

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