• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Home
  • About Me
    • Contact
    • Media Kit
  • Parenting
    • Teen Sons
    • Raising Girls
    • Inspiration
    • Single Mom Chronicles
  • Wellness
    • Fitness
    • Self-Care
    • Easy Meal Ideas
  • Family
    • Travel
    • Philadelphia Area Fun
    • STEM Activities
  • Finances
    • One Income Household Tips
    • Saving & Investing
    • Deals & Coupons
JenOni

Apr 11, 2017

Divorce: It is not Contagious – How to Manage Advice ?

Divorce

Dear Diary,   When you divorce,  why is that you are no longer treated the same by others or extended invitations because you are now single?  It never dawned on me until I was in the midst of being separated and then divorced.   I witnessed how the dynamics of personal relationships change.   Personally, it feels like the word “divorce” is the proverbial elephant in the room or the bug no one wants to catch.   I have never received so much unwarranted advice from people who have absolutely no experience on the matter.

Single and Never Married: It is interesting for single people to attempt to give a once married person advice on marriage.    I crossed my eyes on a number of occasions.  One comment that still sticks to this day is one person telling me “that’s who you chose”.   You definitely learn to developed thick skin and count to 5 multiple times to avoid having an out of body experience.    If you need to vent or seek advice avoid sharing any of it with a single person, who was never married.   There is more judgment rendered than support offered.

Married Once, Absolute Expert: One conversation I vividly remember was from one of my brother’s female friends telling me I “was angry”.   This was mind boggling and definitely out of order!    I felt like who are you to assess what I’m feeling when you don’t know my story.    During one conversation I vividly remember one of my brother’s friends telling me I “was angry”.   This was mind boggling and definitely out of order!    I felt like who are you to assess what I’m feeling when you don’t know me or my story.  Yes,  I will admit in the initial phase of any experience your emotions are turned upside down and inside out.    I think some people assume the role of expert because they have a specific experience.   Let me tell you; never ASSUME anything about another person’s life.   Although our experiences are similar, our lives are not woven from the same cloth.   The last thing I needed was a psychological assessment from someone you have just met.    If you want an expert, consult the nearest mental health professional for an appointment.

Married and Understand Dynamics of Marriage:  It would only make sense that someone who is currently married with a clear understanding it is an absolute journey that requires work.   I think this is your reality check of advice.   They will offer a listening ear and provide a positive perspective on their lessons learned.

Separated/Divorce:  I have found the greatest support from those who are separated/divorcing or divorced.   They will understand how you are feeling and thinking as you navigate the same journey.  It is important to surround yourself with true champions who seek the positive out of unpleasant circumstances.    This is not the support circle to constantly focus on the negative but it is a tribe of encouragement, faith,  and motivation.   You may need to laugh, cry, vent and yell and still feel like you’re whole when the dust settles.   It is important to establish this tribe as you will rely on advice, constructive feedback, and direction from a place of genuine love and support.  My journey is a lot easier because I have this support network to

My JOURNEY is a lot easier because I have a support network to rely on when I need a POSITIVE perspective.

Divorce-It's Not Contagious

 

 

Digiprove sealCopyright secured by Digiprove © 2016-2017 A J

Filed Under: Diary Of A Divorced CocoaMommy, Single Mom Chronicles Tagged With: #diaryofadivorcedcocoamommy, advice, divorce, journey

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Raquel says

    Apr 25, 2016 at 1:33 am

    I think it’s so brave of you to share your journey this way! I have more than a few friends who have gotten divorced, all from first marriages. I always shy away from giving advice, but always make myself available to vent or as a sounding board. I fall under the Married and Understand the Dynamic of Marriage category. Having supported four friends through divorces, my role as a friend was just as it was during the divorce as it was during the wedding: to make sure my girl had whatever she needed and that she knew I had her back. It’s futile and not anyones business to advise a married person to stay or leave. Clearly, there is more than one way to make lemonade. 😉 Support is paramount.

  2. AJ says

    May 2, 2017 at 11:46 pm

    Yes, writing about my experience has been therapeutic. Hopefully, my experiences resonate with others going through similar situations. Thanks for stopping by my blog.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badgeShow more posts

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Primary Sidebar

Get To Know AJ

Interests include fitness, nutrition, yummy food and dessert recipes, wellness, and innovative technology. Read More…

Connect with CocoaMommy

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Google+
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter
  • YouTube






Don’t Miss CocoaMommy Updates

Blogging Networks

The Network Niche
SoFab Badge
influnenster-Alanda Find the lowest prices Everywhere
Alanda Josey
Let's collaborate
Dealspotr.com
April 2017
S M T W T F S
 1
2345678
9101112131415
16171819202122
23242526272829
30  
« Mar   May »
Copyright © 2009-2016 | All Rights Reserved | Design by JenOni