Valentine’s Day – Check out Guest Blogger, Latoi Storr’s Perspective

 There are going to be deliveries to jobs that practically flaunt the never ending love fest.  Most likely the fest is only a day.  There will be no doubt many roses, candy boxes, and teddy bears being sent where women would otherwise talk negatively about their men.  Watch these next couple of weeks.  Ray Ray is a bum, he don’t take care of the kids, he doesn’t love me, he cheated on me again-then bam magic takes place.  On Valentine’s Day the message will be he’s a mess but that’s still my boo.

There will be men duplicating orders to send to their boo thangs and wives, the day is really a messy day.  Yes some will prey on the day and make women’s lives horrible.  So again take things with a grain of salt.  Am I Valentine’s Day hater, not at all but I am one who knows the real deal behind fake smiles and the smoke screens of Instagram and Facebook.

 You do not need to acknowledge this day as singles awareness day.  Unless something magically happens out the sky you have been single and will be single on February 15th.  Now that’s not a death wish or anything like that but I hate when people act like we need to go out of our way to condemn others for not finding the love they need. Love is complicated and it’s not as easy as the movies would suggest.  Men and women put their best face forward and then once you get to know them they don’t match what you need for your life-no harm in that .Yes it’s frustrating but the sting is all in how you make it.  Don’t let anyone push their feelings about the day on you.

For my singles please don’t do the traditional sit around with your lady friends and male bash.  It’s not healthy.  If you want to receive love soon, don’t bash it. You attract what you put out.  So don’t let the bitterness go out and expect a prince in shining armour to appear.  Take the time to deal with your issues.  For my singles it’s a day to gather with friends and uplift yourselves not on the we single and miserable but about the good qualities that you have to offer.  If you don’t want to be alone it can be a great alternative.  I would suggest an actual activity.  For instance instead of dinner find something that you wouldn’t do like go to a Burlesque show.  Nothing is more sexier than seeing another woman in her sexual peak show you some new moves to boost your confidence.

My other suggestion is take a pole dancing class.  One don’t knock it if you haven’t tried it-the work out is insane.  The ladies who pole dance are some strong individuals.  Again it’s about doing something physical and finding an activity that’s out the box.  It will help ease the day trust me.  Also if you have a group of women who are in the same boat, you can have fun and exchange gifts amongst yourself. Now all the women in the group will have a Valentine and no one will be left out.

Yes you can turn the day around and have a little fun while doing it. When I think about the countless dinners I went to sitting around with my girlfriends complaining I really wished I had used my time wisely to do an activity.  I would plan a girls weekend if you have the money to do so.  Get away, and catch a new city.  It doesn’t have to be super far either.  It could be something a few hours away and find activities that are really out of the box and change-up the atmosphere.  Make things such as Groupon and Living Social your bestie for such occasions.  There really is strength in numbers.  If you don’t live near your girlfriends you can still sign up for classes you will be surprised how many others are in the same boat and guess what if you’re open to the idea you may meet a new friend or two along the way.

 If you are on the side where you have a boo, opt for better gifts instead of the same cliché gifts.  For instance do some DIY projects.  I love to be different. My husband has enough stuff so i opt to gift him a day or an activity for him to engage with a friend or by himself.   Yes I know the day is supposed to be spent at an expensive dinner looking into candlelight with violins playing, but my reality is that’s just not the type of couple we are.  For one, we have small children so if you are in the same boat unless you made prior arrangements, finding a sitter will be virtually impossible.  We find ways to bring the action indoors.  One thing we do is after we put the kids to bed, we bake together.  Yes nothing says time together like a mixing bowl, flour and well some cute lingerie. Remember to always keep it cute.

Now if you aren’t into baking and that’s not your strong suit then another suggestion is to step your game up.  Yes play a game just you and your mate. Games bring out that competitive side so trust and believe that its going to do the same then.  You can have prizes that are little trinkets of things both of you like that would eliminate the need to buy one particular gift.  This is something where a gift is now earned. Again different ways in approaching gift giving.

Listen to your mate when they talk.  There is something that your mate will allude to that they like if you are listening you will hear it and use opportunities to gift these items during these times.

 This is one day that I need everyone to stop celebrating.  The only reason I’m bringing it up is to get more people to knock this day of celebrating off.  Why would you take joy in knowing that you are the one who will get part-time benefits from a man or woman?  You really want to be the only one, not the main, not the jump off, but the only one but you settle to be called a secondary lover?  This mentality needs to really stop.  I can’t believe that in this day and age we celebrate such things but we do.  Please end this now.  There’s no honor in being second.  Stop the madness.  I can’t knock you for living this life, but to brag about it is another thing.  You are lonely.  The pieces you get are only temporary.  You don’t get full-time benefits will you cheapen yourself to part-time love.  What about this and every other holiday you spend alone?  Is it worth it?  You are okay with just getting a portion when you deserve the whole thing.  If you were hungry and a restaurant gave you half of sandwich when you ordered a whole, you would pay for that sandwich and be okay?  No but if you allow this type of treatment you are eventually never being satisfied. There’s not enough love and foolishness to keep this type of facade going.

Wherever you are in the spectrum that positive and negative feelings that come about on the big day.  Please always remember that at the end of the day it’s one day.  Love should always be celebrated not because of Hallmark and calendars.  The best type of love even if you are in a relationship or two is self-love.