After interviewing Tanai Benard, I had to ask myself why did I delay moving forward with my divorce?. Why did I wait so long? My only explanation is FEAR. Fear can paralyze your progress. I had so many decisions to make and fear of the unknown stopped me in my tracks. Also when you have to make decisions that impact you and your children it becomes even more difficult and challenging. I was in a mental tug of war of “what ifs”.
Why do we fear the unknown? I had to pull myself up and focus on living a more fulfilled life. This is the nudge I needed to move out of a broken relationship. I am a huge fan of Tony Gaskins, relationship coach, author, and entrepreneur. I watched his Facebook video on chances and it made me think of a conversation I had a few weeks ago. Are we suppose to give a person chances to redeem themselves? and if we do how many chances are warranted? I feel like getting married was fairly simple in terms of the planning, preparation, and the day. When I filed for divorce, I was not prepared for all the legalities involved especially after hiring an attorney. I thought it was in my best interest to protect my interests by hiring an attorney and this racked up over $10,000 in legal expenses. Where was LegalZoom when I needed their services?
When I felt the nudge to move forward it was a step closer to living a fulfilled life. It only takes one step to make necessary changes. I applaud those who take action and seek marital counseling before they make the decision to file for divorce. This was never a thought as I had no interest in trying to put a band-aid on what was already a broken relationship. When I filed for divorce I was well aware I wanted to finalize that chapter in my life. I think turning 40 was a defining moment in terms of really knowing that I needed to close that chapter in my life. After 10 years of marriage, I felt empty in terms of not being in a healthy and productive relationship. I was living what was supposed to be a married life yet I felt alone. Granted I know all relationships require work and effort however not feeling fulfilled and having to deal with loneliness is an unhappy combination. Unfortunately, it took a major revelation for me to realize we wanted completely different lifestyles. I knew it was impossible to build any future without the same foundation.
After 10 years of marriage, there was no longer any communication, respect or trust. It is impossible to have a healthy relationship without effective communication. Mutual respect for one another is critical for a healthy relationship. Last but by no means least without trust there is no relationship. These are major deal breakers and the lack of all three is by all accounts a BROKEN RELATIONSHIP. The main reason I filed for divorce was to close the chapter on my broken relationship but most importantly to live a FULFILLED life.
I am in a good place mentally and on the road to living the life I DESERVE!