I know adults struggle with the challenges of a relationship but when it is over how to effectively raise children is a challenge. It also dawned on me how adults may forget the “little people” in the midst of this transition. I watch my tween as he tries to figure out just where he belongs. When children are thrust into the middle of a seperation/divorce the emotional toil is so obvious. I can see the anxiety my tween faces when trying to choose which parent to align himself with and he is extremely torn. My tween is on the cusp of puberty so there is so much going on with him emotionally and physically. My tween is desperately trying to belong to a peer group, discovering his artistic talents, and trying to find his place within the family nucleus which now consists of three vs. four.
His eyes are filled with the desire to be in charge however the child lurking inside wants to be coddled. I find myself constantly giving creative explanations for current circumstances. This is a project in itself because as a parent you have to gage what to discuss and what should be held back. I often wonder is this the appropriate as we lecture our children on being honest. I know there are a dozen books on this topic and I do believe it is important to provide a therapeutic release for children. I feel my tween has a major void when it comes to navigating this transition and coming of age so I tread cautiously.
I wish there was a way to get into the head of my tween however I do recognize that he needs the freedom to express himself without judgement. One thing I was guilty of was expecting my tween to fall in line with my agenda. Unfortunately my tween was never given the opportunity to choose the circumstances so it is unrealistic to expect a tween to understand and comprehend all that is involved.
As a parent, I know we will have obstacles and hurdles to overcome so we will proceed with caution when necessary. The most important job as a parent is to seek guidance from therapeutic professionals during this transition.
What are your thoughts?